Personal Tensions

The Setup:
Simply put, I have a tendency to over commit. I am interested in a variety of different areas and I hate eliminating one commitment. So instead, I just take on more than I can handle. I am also a huge control freak in the sense that I would rather be in charge of a project to make sure it gets done. Trusting others with a task frightens me so I take on extra work in order to make sure things go smoothly.

The What:
When I came to college, I knew from the beginning that I wanted to get involved in as many clubs/activities as possible. I wanted to be superwoman - play a sport, take on hard classes, join a sorority... You get the gist of it. At summer orientation, I put my name down for almost every club and activity that interest me (which, may I add, was literally every single one). The biggest commitment, however, was crew. I had never rowed before, but I had talked to the coach and he said that most rowers start as novices in college. So, I figured I may as well give it a shot. If I didn't like it after a year, I could aways quit. But my ultimate goal was to at least stick with it for freshman year.

Fall quarter was a struggle. It was a lot of fun, but it was hard. I was taking hard classes (and one's that I wasn't good at) and waking up at 5 every morning was not adding to the cause. On average, I was getting about 2.5 hours of sleep every night. On weekends, it was a treat to be able to sleep in until 6 AM on Saturday. But it was worth it - I had fallen in love with the sport. Unfortunately, no matter how much I loved the sport, it had a tolling impact on me. I felt like I couldn't give a 100% effort to school or crew, and it bothered me knowing that I wasn't reaching my full potential.

Over winter break, I realized that over spring break the crew team is required to stay at the school for Spring Training. My family and some other family friends had been planning a trip to Maui over spring break for more than a year. I emailed the coach and asked if there was any way that I could miss part of the spring training. He replied that I had to choose between a week with my family or 4 years with this team. Although I knew the automatic answer would be a week with my family, this was a really hard decision for me. I LOVED crew. The girls were awesome and it gave me something to look forward to every morning. But, in the end, family comes first. I emailed the coach and told him that I would no longer be continuing with the team.

The So What:
This was the hardest thing to do. I had made a commitment and I had broken it for another commitment. I absolutely HATE breaking commitments. I am the type of person who, if I say I'm going to do something, I stick with it - no matter how much time it takes, no matter what I have to do, I will go out of my way to make sure it gets done. Needless to say, quitting the crew team was awful. I felt like I had not only let myself down, I had let the entire team and coaches down as well.

The Now What:
Looking back on the situation, I do not have any regrets about quitting crew (or for trying it out). I know that I made the right decision - no matter what it is, family ALWAYS comes first in my books. I would do anything for my family, and if that means giving up 4 years of rowing to be with my family for a week, then so be it. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

This quarter has also given me a lot of time to reflect on how unhealthy I was last quarter. There were some nights where I would just not go to bed at all and try to make it up with 4 hours of sleep the next night. I honestly do not know how my body was functioning. Over winter break, I would average over 12 hours of sleep a night - my body was trying to make up for all the lost time. This quarter, I have also had a lot more time to study - my grades have gotten significantly better and I feel overall better about myself. I made it my New Years Resolution to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night, and so far, it's been working. So, in the end, I know that giving up crew was right for me. Although I hated breaking the previous commitment, it needed to happen and spending a week with my family was the best way to be able to recognize the damage I was causing my body. You have to do what is right for you, even if that does mean breaking a commitment.